iT’sAlLiNyOuRmInD

How am I supposed to know what’s right or wrong?

I’m living life just as everyone else

But everyone else – you – you’re all as nothing

And everything being nothing makes energy as everything

Thus, since everything is energy, everything is nothing

 

Without motion

Without emotion

We cannot move

 

It’s my turn and I cannot go

Because I am parked in the parking-lot by the park

I’ll be taking aim shorty

At the pork, but please, you’ll have to be patient

 

Surgery is….

 

Illogical

Contradictory

History

It’s illiteracy

It’s all in your mind.

 

I L-L-L…

This is my saddest attempt to try something new

The line before really was written in cursive

I was simply trying to spice up my day; to try something new

But it didn’t really help – it even hurt a little bit

Nothing is new, and my poetry runs dry

It was destiny for me to be insane, I can see it in the sky

No time to rhyme, nor reason to express; zero consent

I wonder how many feel this

Rather, how many care?

You may read, but can you hear?

I go… nowhere

Just like that, my mood flips and turns

And upon my return, muy mind rejects concern

My mistake is, where, where

Who’s there?

You, there

Truth-slayer

Tooth-decayer

Why did you bring me to you lair?

I’ve always given you my all – my robe, even my hair

This is, is so, so unfair

Lost in word

Infrastructure in smile, congruent to tile

Thought is vile, but only for a little while

So smile; so sorry, I’m running out of room on the page

Which means an idea will too, give birth

I guess this is my finale for the night

I L-L-Love you and that’s that to say

Your name, your aim is to burn by the flame

Your game, is to be played until the end of days

I’m out of words

Thank you

 

Scarred Brow

Reunited with unscripted worry, at last

But, my noose-obligated friend, you await your punishment like I and I

Patience are virtuous as can be

To be, or not – to await, or not

Or perhaps to even rot

Here – glance, the eyes, away from the surest fiend

But, but – my objections account for forgetfulness

As lost as mindless reminders – to those of which I am faulted -

Because of the eagerness to escape the wretchedness which soon awaits

“It’s okay.” It is not.

For every muscle torn: sarcastic foolishness equates to humble scorn

Disappointment from thee

And from me – to myself – with or without any help

Please return what isn’t mine

I didn’t mean it at all…

But, BUT – “I” am the one who suffers the consequence

My eyebrows tell the same tale

Guilt and…

 

Ten Minutes

I need about… ten minutes

Ten minutes to complete what I’ve been ill-fated to do

To write my right-est wrongs from soul-less souls beyond

 

nINE is on the screen, but the screen itself is not before me

It’s in places marked by X’s, by tens

By the tenants of treasured mud; dirt which is dried by rain

 

If the clarity of adhesive droplets reveal the boxes,

Then the X’s crafted by time will be disposed of – in ten minutes

Only four minutes to go.

 

 

 

 

Newer Beginnings

It’s getting difficult to write

I don’t even know why I feel like this

What do know, though, is that I need to let it all pour out

Even if it feels dull now, my writings have given me a title

I’m still a nothing, but I’ve touched the lives around me

Again, no names, but I don’t know why I’ve treated you like this

You’ve been there for me when no one else was

Words cannot express my gratitude towards you

I’m still the one who suffers inside, regardless if you feel it

Or see the carnage; my mind is making me a savage

Will I devour the flesh after the razor equally portions it?

Is it too late?

Can it all be saved?

Am I destined to be a slave to an unproductive environment?

Enslaved is what I am, indeed

Loneliness what I feel, indeed

The pain is inside, I’m here, but no one is there to heal

Not even you, my sunlight

Why are things this way?

Why do we live this way?

Is my love destined to be a double-edged sword?

The ends puncture my soul twice

If my love is to be a double-edged sword, then this would be yet another time

The second time; I’m keeping count

I’m the poison in peoples’ lives

Everyone that I love, I push away as a projection of my insecurities

I’m not afraid to say what’s wrong with myself, unlike everyone else

That’s why I subconsciously left myself alone

But of this, I’m consciously aware

My late nights are interrupted by the voices

Deception even labels the themes of my dreams

I can’t stop the screams

Or so it seems

I’ve stood by and watched people turn their backs

People that I loved rejected me of hugs

I fell even when I thoughts I was above the drama

At times, I couldn’t speak with or see my mommy

But after dad left, we lived with mom’s mom

And mom’s daddy and brother, my uncle

I now lived with my grandparents for a while

And as a child, watched them slowly pass away

To this day, I pray for a better way

So now, I continue to write

I keep writing until my sight orders from the menu of ink I bite

My pen was my only friend, and still is

I remember being poor as kids, but we always managed to get by

We managed to eat because our hopes were to the sky

Mom did her best to keep us fed, so it hurt when food was thrown

She chose to do this on her own; we cried when we were shut down

Smiles were forced upside down, but life would soon turn around

Better days would come

Money was always a trap, but drugs were never slung

Mom would place bruises on my flesh, so the government became involved

The problem was never solved

It was only prolonged

All I ever wanted was love and peace and to get along

With my family and peers while trying to stay strong

But all I ever managed to do was lose count of the tears

Forever was I wrong – the future was unclear

It would be without mom for a while

Mommy and dad were gone, but replaced by new

The news was anew family, fostered with care

I gradually grew wiser as length subjected my hair

A new life

Second grade in a new school with new rules

A chance to meet new people, but I only met new lustful fools

Nothing was new

Still received hatred from a false crew

Who are you?

I’ve dated my fate for a few years

What else was there to do?

Two years after a new year, a new home with old fears

Dad fought to take custody of his kids

His newwife, nice at first, but so too would hit

Not too often, but often out of angered fits

Now the paranoia never quits

My patience runs dry

My treasures are laid out beyond the skies, but lived in someone else’s lies

To a mother on steps, I said what was felt

I said what I meant, but dad again left me to myself

He is a womanizer and no matter what, sides with his wife

He failed to realize that I, his son, was a purpose in his life

Dad once said that he didn’t care what I felt

Then he said he was my best friend and was always there to help

Best friend?

No friend

Please leave me alone

When I gave you a chance to hear, you hung up your phone

Not literally, but still as a stone when engaged in communication

Ever since, no one understood that hurt that I was facing

It has me pacing and tracing the thoughts that I think

At a cluster of blinks, I begin to forgive and then sink

Dad, I love you and am forever appreciative for what you’ve done

Even after you placed a wicked woman over your kids

You will NEVERunderstand me because I’ve closed all of my doors

You can try, but my connection with you is no more

And for my step mom, I forgive

I don’t call it a grudge, just a memoir for as long as I live

In “your” house, it was a matter of respect

Knowledge is what I will always collect

You demand this respect, but refuse to give at times

I don’t care who you are, I promise to get mine

You can threaten to kick me out of the house, like you did my brother

I’ll leave this hole and prove that there is no other

Person like me, so I promise you will see

You’re a shallow-minded beast and need to find your way

And for all of the people that have left my side

I hope that you acquire eternal joy

I hope that you never feel what I’ve felt

My heart is broken and I’m picking up the pieces

When I do, I’ll smile again

I’ll regain the trust and again call you a friend

This is another dedication to all of the people of my past

I will be happy, but again will it get worse

The hurt won’t last in a hearse

It’ll again get better

And even if the rain gets me wetter…

I still forgive and love you…

Even after this letter.

 

Wind Children

A message to those who cannot read with their hearts

I’m there to wash away the bondage

I can only hear your breath because I was the one who took it away

Not breathless because of my deeds, no

But by my absence of action

I could hear your gentle voice for a while

I chose to ignore, but please, understand my reasonings

What I didn’t do was because of what you did

And what you did was what you didn’t do

We’re both playing a childish game

Hmph, but I win

 

Dear Letter

Dear… I know who,

My future wouldn’t have existed without you digging through my life. You see, I’m cornered by the corners of my residency. This leaves my mind lonely at times, between the ocean blue. One, two… three four. Four walls. Two… exits. Either a leisure passage using stairs or a fatal fall from the window with the stained glass. Hm, my point is that I’m buried… because of… you. I’m what I’d like to call a “thinker.” The purpose of other souls doesn’t concern me. You see, I’m really a madman. But, I’m not mad, man. Yeah… you just couldn’t resist listening to those… those… ehh! Don’t make me angry as I write this! You really, really don’t wanna’ see me when I’m upset. Promise. Not again. Oh, I almost forgot! This future of mine, it’s very unstable. Without your guidance and valuable motivation, there will be nothing at all. The space of a hidden truth will surely be broadened. Don’t do this to me, please, not now. I cannot afford to lose you now. You’re too precious to me. I will maintain awareness, however. Thank you, but never forget.

Sincerely,

You know who…

 

Island of Pieces

As I pick up my heart’s pieces, I drop a few from my clutched hands

They fall to the desolate concrete next to my toes and shatter more

Once they’ve plummeted to their destination, they rip as heated glass and scatter across the floor

I realize that all I touch breaks

In response to this realization, I break a sweat from my left eye

The right then mirrors the left and the result is me being left in a puddle

The salty puddle grows arms and legs

I am isolated, alone, on an island surrounded with sharp debris

I’m now alone with my tears and the broken shards of my heart and mind

 

This isn’t something unusual, however

It is more common than the eyes can see

And sight is something that drops of rain take for granted on a regular basis

The tears blur my vision, so I’m forced to listen

I hear the steady rhythm in my ill–fated chest

I also hear my mind address its conflicted circumstances

 

Mr. Mind begins to argue with Dr. Heart

They refuse to comprehend what each tongue has to communicate

My mind then storms from my body out of absolute anger and confusion

The heart is left to weep as it seeks a resolve now

This doctor is now without a patient, or rather, without anyone at all

No one is there to aid or even save

He, too, is alone

But, since Mr. Mind is trapped on the island, he second-guesses his choice to leave

He realizes that his decision is unwise and reconsiders

 

Mr. Mind then approaches the soon to be hypocritical doctor

The mind apologizes with sincerity, but the heart doesn’t care one bit

Dr. Heart is now the chief of malpractice

The heart grows wicked with hatred and rejects the mind

Mr. Mind is now a victim to the blackness of Dr. Heart

The mind is lost

The heart… is lost

 

Dr. Heart then visits his seeds in the sea to say a final goodbye

Mr. Mind begins looking for a way to leave the island

 

Obnoxious Osmosis

They say to be careful with whatever you do

But all I ever wanted in my heart was an image of you

Your luscious skin accounts for lustful sins

There is no amount required to win, but…

But this is my heart’s bitter end

 

Please be my friend because all I’ve ever had was foes…

When we used to eat ketchup and count our toes

Now I’m wearing blue bath-robes instead of clothes

This was the premeditation of invoice

An envious mind is the source of a thin choice

 

I appoint two faces of a numbered beast

The razors will rip and carve through teeth

They will haunt the same shape

They will scavenge the wickedness until light decreases

No premonitions of rest nor peace, yet only stress in pieces

 

All to it a stench of clearly rippled units

Fall, the crew is hit

Feel the bombs as they pursue your ship

Is that why?

If only you could reply…

 

Must it be brought up more?

This is the reason for madness

For three months I’ve been consumed by sadness

Over time, my flesh grew cold and began to shatter

 

Please lend me a sign

I sauce yet another time

A piece of mind shouldn’t be this hard to find

When you’re mine, I promise there will be no reason to rewind

 

The Grass is Greener

Lord, this is my best method of communication

I cannot focus in tongue as I’m growing numb

Is this Your test or evil at its best?

These words, Lord, they fall upon deaf ears

The thoughts are clear, but these letters always seem to disappear

When she’ s near, You know who, as to no clue

But her name and Your name are heard in vain

Trials were designed to shun my shine

At times, but always gives me lines to climb

Gray lines are seen as silver-platter ladders

Heavy steel is fatter and chrome roams to the splatter

Blood on these streets

Blood on these hands

Mud on these sheets

You wont’ understand

Deals are under hand

Night-night, night – I gave you my bowl

The stories are old, but you know what was foretold

The beats cease when it’s time to clean the ducts of defeat

Suggest and action and I will partake

Send me a sign so I know that You care

I know You do, but my naturalism needs a reminder

I was forced to disfigure the solitudes in confinement

A prayer can be heard from the quietest of voices

We’re given choices to help guide us to Your appointment

You know what I mean

Once more, folding of knee

I still beg for a better day, just show me the way

I’d do as You say, but please, may the love stay?

Okay, this is my conclusion

I’ll follow the light; always winning and never losing

I take your wings, green dragonfly

To greener grasses, we fly