Banana Ants

What it it that you’re pretending?

A slap to the chest – the result of an angered grimace

Discomfort to the banana ants

I know your story

A “never-will-be” type of treatment

I see all corners of your glass.

 

Fool yourself with the foolishness of approach

Yellow like the bus of “young scholars;” like the disgust in my reflection -

To see what you DARED to do!

To take step in a direction of calming auras – my wooden and starved throne, before the wandering eyes.

 

Broken.

Shattered.

Mop away that…

That “for me…”

That lane of lies – those of which I do not care to partake in…

Make sure to send me that poison – as if – make sure to bake a newer batch.

 

A Potassium connoisseur

A sewer of relations

A devastation to relationship

The shallowness of a kiss.

 

Find my words

Dig beneath the putrid tiles on which you walk

I don’t need anything – not from you, not from I

But as the robotic response is delivered, mailed and such, I foretell what is told.

 

Behold – you hold the mold – my heart – NEVER MORE

But, my surest mail-woman, return to the offices of dual tribulation

Two of one kind…

 

Ants ate the will – so ask them if you will – if they too tingle from your tainted touch

Too much laughter..

From me…

Because I now know what it is that you are…..

You are as the banana ants.

 

Newer Beginnings

It’s getting difficult to write

I don’t even know why I feel like this

What do know, though, is that I need to let it all pour out

Even if it feels dull now, my writings have given me a title

I’m still a nothing, but I’ve touched the lives around me

Again, no names, but I don’t know why I’ve treated you like this

You’ve been there for me when no one else was

Words cannot express my gratitude towards you

I’m still the one who suffers inside, regardless if you feel it

Or see the carnage; my mind is making me a savage

Will I devour the flesh after the razor equally portions it?

Is it too late?

Can it all be saved?

Am I destined to be a slave to an unproductive environment?

Enslaved is what I am, indeed

Loneliness what I feel, indeed

The pain is inside, I’m here, but no one is there to heal

Not even you, my sunlight

Why are things this way?

Why do we live this way?

Is my love destined to be a double-edged sword?

The ends puncture my soul twice

If my love is to be a double-edged sword, then this would be yet another time

The second time; I’m keeping count

I’m the poison in peoples’ lives

Everyone that I love, I push away as a projection of my insecurities

I’m not afraid to say what’s wrong with myself, unlike everyone else

That’s why I subconsciously left myself alone

But of this, I’m consciously aware

My late nights are interrupted by the voices

Deception even labels the themes of my dreams

I can’t stop the screams

Or so it seems

I’ve stood by and watched people turn their backs

People that I loved rejected me of hugs

I fell even when I thoughts I was above the drama

At times, I couldn’t speak with or see my mommy

But after dad left, we lived with mom’s mom

And mom’s daddy and brother, my uncle

I now lived with my grandparents for a while

And as a child, watched them slowly pass away

To this day, I pray for a better way

So now, I continue to write

I keep writing until my sight orders from the menu of ink I bite

My pen was my only friend, and still is

I remember being poor as kids, but we always managed to get by

We managed to eat because our hopes were to the sky

Mom did her best to keep us fed, so it hurt when food was thrown

She chose to do this on her own; we cried when we were shut down

Smiles were forced upside down, but life would soon turn around

Better days would come

Money was always a trap, but drugs were never slung

Mom would place bruises on my flesh, so the government became involved

The problem was never solved

It was only prolonged

All I ever wanted was love and peace and to get along

With my family and peers while trying to stay strong

But all I ever managed to do was lose count of the tears

Forever was I wrong – the future was unclear

It would be without mom for a while

Mommy and dad were gone, but replaced by new

The news was anew family, fostered with care

I gradually grew wiser as length subjected my hair

A new life

Second grade in a new school with new rules

A chance to meet new people, but I only met new lustful fools

Nothing was new

Still received hatred from a false crew

Who are you?

I’ve dated my fate for a few years

What else was there to do?

Two years after a new year, a new home with old fears

Dad fought to take custody of his kids

His newwife, nice at first, but so too would hit

Not too often, but often out of angered fits

Now the paranoia never quits

My patience runs dry

My treasures are laid out beyond the skies, but lived in someone else’s lies

To a mother on steps, I said what was felt

I said what I meant, but dad again left me to myself

He is a womanizer and no matter what, sides with his wife

He failed to realize that I, his son, was a purpose in his life

Dad once said that he didn’t care what I felt

Then he said he was my best friend and was always there to help

Best friend?

No friend

Please leave me alone

When I gave you a chance to hear, you hung up your phone

Not literally, but still as a stone when engaged in communication

Ever since, no one understood that hurt that I was facing

It has me pacing and tracing the thoughts that I think

At a cluster of blinks, I begin to forgive and then sink

Dad, I love you and am forever appreciative for what you’ve done

Even after you placed a wicked woman over your kids

You will NEVERunderstand me because I’ve closed all of my doors

You can try, but my connection with you is no more

And for my step mom, I forgive

I don’t call it a grudge, just a memoir for as long as I live

In “your” house, it was a matter of respect

Knowledge is what I will always collect

You demand this respect, but refuse to give at times

I don’t care who you are, I promise to get mine

You can threaten to kick me out of the house, like you did my brother

I’ll leave this hole and prove that there is no other

Person like me, so I promise you will see

You’re a shallow-minded beast and need to find your way

And for all of the people that have left my side

I hope that you acquire eternal joy

I hope that you never feel what I’ve felt

My heart is broken and I’m picking up the pieces

When I do, I’ll smile again

I’ll regain the trust and again call you a friend

This is another dedication to all of the people of my past

I will be happy, but again will it get worse

The hurt won’t last in a hearse

It’ll again get better

And even if the rain gets me wetter…

I still forgive and love you…

Even after this letter.

 

Hateful Hurricane

In the calmest of storms, I sit and wait

My tiresome bones are destined to occupy this desk

For most days, I walk and crumble to a shatter

As today, in the emptiness of fulfillment, I steadily wait

I patiently blink my eyes at the red hand in the white circle on the wall

A clock is what it is

Patience is what I’ve been forced to have my whole life

My nerves are constantly stretched

My composure is pulled

And my composure is tugged

And my soul is ripped from my body

But it is not detached, only tempted by the flames

When the burning hand ticks some more…

After an eternity or three, the storm finally passes

Or rather, the muddy shovel meets the eye

Please, I’m still waiting

Time doesn’t wait for you

Time doesn’t wait for me

But I’m still waiting for time to bring me some sunshine

 

 

WHATeverHAPPENEDtoHISmind

Cool sand, dragon. Dig a hole all the way to the truth. River of lies, my robotic philosophy. I told you, never before, behold. cIRCLE BINGO, lingo. Single life, inching through my misunderstood fingers. So many years, I made it. What happened? The pain flows – misunderstood, I tried. Don’t make me cry. Open shirts lay on the floor.

White.

I flew a plane to nowhere and lost my mind. I bought a memory and spoke through polluted lungs, whatever. Don’t worry. Figment of what cannot be described. Write, write, I write without SHARP darts. No lie, I tried. So hard. Free verse, clueless, described without grains. The end is subtle.

~That Dude Eddie~

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Love and Peace.