Everything that I’ve written has derived straight from my heart
Each and every word has pumped through my veins and out of this abused pen
Tell me why to speak if no one listens
No one’s there to hold me when I’m down
No one cares to open an ear
Or to wipe a tear
All I hear in solitude is the laughter
The grinding of teeth haunts my sleep every night
There shall be no rest
Only stress
There shall only be burden pressed against my chest
Feel the fire
Feel the passion
My only escape is within a dream
Or so it seems until my slumber is interrupted by the screams
Where were you after you said you were there?
I will notify
You were high
As Hell
As church bells
Off pills
Was this your first?
Nope, you only thirst for numbers I cannot tell
And the Cocaine?
I pray you didn’t snort a line as well
Are you sane?
Don’t comfort me with your pity; it is reversed
You were gone in my worst and are now painting a hearse
Don’t ask why I stopped to try…
Why I ceased to cry and debate
I love you to death, yet my heart reeks with the hate
And the sunshine reaps the destinies of fate
It was in February, almost a year ago
I was blessed with the curse to have known…
A demon so fowl, clawing my soul in order to grow
No names, I’ve already made this too personal
But your impact is intact and versatile
Joy is not a toy
I have given
I have tried to enjoy
It seldom seems that I will receive
This life of mine is a ploy
A plan
A gift to withstand
Through cactus, prickles of razors and sand
I am…
On my knees, but the prayer’s responses are bland
So please…
Trust me…
I will never expect you to understand
My foot’s laces are geometric
You shall wear diamond lenses for breakfast
And by life’s noon, the shoes will appear hectic
No respect
You’ve tried to collect a dept with a broken neck
Recklessness
No fiber of being, only clear meaning to test
To progress
To appreciate what is left
Or whatever that you think is right
Whatever that you think is correct
I’m running low on breath
The smoke chokes
Black fumes resume to elope
A sick joke
Before my eyes, a fire of lies in disguise
The ashes of blazes rise to the skies
Souls are tied
Innactive tides are always alive
This means that the brainless shores will never survive
You must think
You must blink the lids of broken bids
The shallow depts are foretold by kids
Young and dumb
Scum is Mr. Wise
You trick and treat and fail to be descrete
I was a friend, I cared
You turned your back
Then…
Called right back
How could you dare?
Quiet nightmare, the savannahs of silence
A bitter past, shrouded in violence
Memories of disease, tumor in tummy
Devils on the block, Southern Pines
The home of the rock, thought it was funny
Grandma grew bloated
I fare unworthy, may I not be quoted
I too laughed at school
That is, the same day that she died
Dad called to relay the news
No surprise, only clues
On her death bed, she plead my brother’s name
But not her own son’s, there’s room to explain
Down the timeline
In the bathroom
Grandpa is slain
A stroke to the brain, waiting for three days
Seventy-two hours of the showers
Mute is the rain
Cute is the pain
Murder, bloody-murder
Kill, kill, kill
Pill, pill, pill
After a little while, he lay in the hospital with a smile
There was hope as he began to move a toe
I don’t know…
How you stretched your love as a band
To stare at the man who left you to die
When asked to hold his hand, I refused and started to cry
Days later, grandpa gave up his life
So that he may lay next to his wife
Forever and ever…
For worst and for better…
Through the wettest of weather…
For you
And for you
And you know who
I have written this letter
I forgive you.
Diane
October 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Oh my word this was painful to read I can only begin to imagine what it was like to write.
thatdudeeddie
October 22, 2012 at 9:46 am
It wasn’t as painful as it was relieving
buckwheatsrisk
October 20, 2012 at 2:53 pm
So very sad, i hope you’re okay!
thatdudeeddie
October 22, 2012 at 9:46 am
Always
buckwheatsrisk
October 22, 2012 at 11:19 am
good!
Carol O.
October 20, 2012 at 7:24 pm
Wow. Man, this is awesome. I love the gift at the end. Love it.
thatdudeeddie
October 22, 2012 at 9:47 am
Awesome!
It’s all a process of life!
oawritingspoemspaintings
October 21, 2012 at 3:31 am
There is light at the end of the tunnel, the tools are given along life’s journey all in its own time, the first one is the gift of expressing it in words. Never give up, it only gets better
thatdudeeddie
October 22, 2012 at 9:47 am
Most definitely! There will be NO success without struggle! Thank you for your kind words
JPF Goodman
October 21, 2012 at 6:17 am
Beautiful beautiful work! Lots of people will be very moved by its honesty, and it proves you are a considerable artist. As an artist, I fear that some readers will cop out by thinking it’s got nothing to do with them, but will only read it as another life for them to rubberneck, though at places you overcome that problem by writing so well! Certainly poetry gives the poet the opportunity to tell the world – “complaint” is an old term for a poem – but I believe it’s also an opportunity to “make” something and that enables the poet to take greater control over some aspect of his or her life, if only for a moment.
I have occasionally tried to help addicted friends “replace your drug with art”, with varying results! Besides the “therapeutic” and “mind changing” aspects (the difficulties of changing other people’s minds are explored in John Donne’s “the Triple Fool”) poetry is also a craft and you, Eddie, are well on your way to becoming a master!
thatdudeeddie
October 22, 2012 at 9:50 am
I really appreciate this. We’re all given some sort of obstacles throughout our lives and it’s on us to find out how to deal with them. I was blessed to find that writing allows me to pour out what’s inside. And a master? Haha, what do you think can help me get better?
princesssophia1979
October 22, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Good Poem you know We go through a battle everyday in life. Even though we might feel sad depressed, angry, at the momant. Just remember a couple of things God will not give you what you can’t handle. At the end of any battle strom you are going through their is rainbow at the end of it. God bless you.
thatdudeeddie
October 24, 2012 at 10:02 am
God bless you too!
And you’re right! Life is always gonna’ keep us on edge, but it’s the times of struggle that determine who we are.
princesssophia1979
October 30, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Yes so true
wvisher
October 23, 2012 at 5:42 am
Very evocative. I really like this piece as I do much of your work. You are so brave as a writer and an inspiration to me. Today was a perfect day and time in my life to read this. Thanks.
thatdudeeddie
October 24, 2012 at 10:03 am
I’m glad the poem made an impact on you! It’s always a blessing to hear that I’m influencing people in some way! Have an awesome day and keep your chin up!